The first money talk before moving in together

Both instincts are kind. One of you is protecting the relationship from feeling transactional; the other is protecting it from a nasty surprise. A good first money talk does both: it's short, structured and ends with a plan rather than a verdict.

What follows is a script you can borrow. Change the wording until it sounds like the two of you.

Before you sit down

Each of you should bring your own numbers, so the talk isn't spent guessing:

• Monthly take-home pay
• Regular bills you'll keep paying on your own (phone, car, subscriptions)
• Any debts: balance, monthly payment, and interest rate if you know it
• Your free credit reports

Federal law gives everyone access to free credit reports from each of the three nationwide credit bureaus; the official site, per the FTC, is AnnualCreditReport.com. You don't have to share the reports themselves, but reading your own first means nothing in the conversation will surprise you.

The talk, in six parts

Part 1: Open with why

Something like: "I'm excited about this. I'd like us to agree on the money stuff now so it never becomes a fight later." Saying the goal out loud lowers the temperature.

Part 2: Where each of us stands

Take turns. Income, regular bills, debts. Keep it factual and resist reacting in the moment. If something is hard to hear, a simple "thanks for telling me" is enough for now.

Part 3: How we'll split the shared costs

Decide what's shared (rent, utilities, internet, groceries, renters insurance) and how you'll split it. Equal halves and income-proportional splits are both common; this walk-through of four split methods can help if your incomes differ.

Part 4: Whose name is on what

This part has legal weight, so slow down:

• The lease. If you both sign, landlords generally treat you as jointly responsible for the full rent, not just your half. Read the lease to see how yours is worded.
• Utilities and internet. Accounts are usually in one person's name, and that person is the one the provider pursues if a bill goes unpaid. Decide who holds each account and how the other pays in.
• Renters insurance. Some insurers let unmarried partners share one policy and some don't; ask the insurer directly. A policy in one name may not cover the other person's belongings.

Part 5: Spending styles and the "ask first" number

Talk about how each of you handles money day to day. Then agree on one number: a purchase above which you check with each other before buying something for the shared home. There's no right amount; the point is that you both know it.

Part 6: What happens if

Two uncomfortable but useful questions:

1. If one of us loses a job, how do we cover the rent for a few months?
2. If we decide to move out, how do we handle the lease and anything we bought together?

You don't need detailed answers. Agreeing on a direction now is far easier than inventing one during a hard week.

Write it down on one page

Before you finish, write the agreements on a single page. A simple format:

• Shared costs and how we split them
• Who holds each account (lease, electric, internet, insurance)
• Our "ask first" number
• What we do if one of us loses income
• When we'll check in next

Keep it somewhere you'll both find it. It isn't a contract; it's a memory aid, so neither of you has to rely on recollection of a conversation from months ago.

If the talk gets stuck

Sometimes a topic, often debt, takes over the evening. That's okay. Park it, finish the rest, and set a date to come back to it. If one of you tends to avoid money conversations altogether, these approaches for a partner who avoids the subject may help.

Three months later

Schedule a short check-in after you've lived together for a season. Is the split working? Did the shared bills match your estimate? Has anything changed? Adjusting early is easy; adjusting after resentment builds is not.